


Memories

by Monochrome_maiden



Series: Tumblr prompts I found [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence - Hammer Of The Gods, M/M, ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-01 12:40:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5206244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monochrome_maiden/pseuds/Monochrome_maiden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam makes a deal with a demon to bring Gabriel back, but the demon asks for something Sam wasn't expecting in return for bringing Gabriel back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam ran back into the hotel. Dean tried to stop him, Kali warned him not to go back, but he didn't want to listen. No. He needed to make sure that Gabriel was fine. Maybe he could help kill Lucifer.

He wasn't going to lose another person who made the mistake of coming near him and staying. No. He didn't want that. Not again.

Sam sprinted down the hallway, trying not to step on the bodies of the other pagan gods. It was a form of respect, Sam guessed. He didn't bother over thinking it. He slammed the door to the dining hall open and skidded to a stop when he saw the imprint of wings on the wooden floor.

No. No. No no no. It happened again. He let it happen again. He couldn't protect those close to him and let them die again.

Lucifer was still there, and Sam stared at his face long enough to notice the tears in his eyes. 5 seconds of staring later, the flapping of wings could be heard and Lucifer disappeared from Sam's sight.

Sam knelt down next to Gabriel's body and his fingers brushed against the wooden floor. He brought them up to his face and saw that his fingered were covered in ash. Sam stared at Gabriel's body, his expression blank. He pulled the archangel blade out of Gabriel's chest and gingerly placed it down on the floor. He let his hand travel to Gabriel's face and cupped his cheek.

Then he straightened his jaw and stood up, eyes flickering with something. It wasn't determination. More like....hope. But it wasn't quite like hope either.

Sam walked out of the hotel and took one of the cars that were still there. He pat his pockets and pulled out a bag containing the necessary ingredients for the summoning. He had a feeling that he might need it and stuffed them into his pocket when he and Dean first set foot into that hotel.

He drove to a crossroads and searched the trunk of the car for a box, any box. He found a plastic one, filled with chess pieces, and decided that it would have to do. He placed the ingredients in the box and buried it at the junction. He incited the words for the summoning and soon enough, a demon appeared. She was blonde. Kind of reminded Sam of Jess.

"Sam Winchester. Here to make a deal? Following the footsteps of your father and your big brother?"

Sam ignored her words and stated his wish.

"I want you to bring an archangel back. Can you do that?"

"Archangel? Let me guess...what was his name...Gabriel? The one that you've been fucking?"

Sam ignored her once again.

"Can you do it?"

"Hmm...can I do it? Definitely. But it requires a little more juice."

"What do you want in exchange?"

"I can't ask for you to give up your soul now. The Angels will kick up a fuss and come after me. I can't ask for it later either. Who knows how this little archangel slap fight will turn out?"

The demon folded her arms and looked up at the sky, thinking. She grinned eventually and looked back at Sam.

"Oh. I know! I'll take some of his memories."

Sam frowned. This was...weird. Very weird.

"His...memories? Not mine?"

"No. And not just any memory."

The demon's grin grew wider and she wagged her finger as she stepped closer to Sam.

"I want to take the memories of you and him together."

Sam's eyes widened.

"What?!"

"You heard me, Sam. I want all of his memories of you and him together. Not your memories. I want you to suffer. You've killed a lot of my kind. This is my revenge. Taking your little angel away from you."

The demon cackled. "He's going to forget everything related to you~" she sang.

"Besides," she continued, "memories can be...interesting to feed on. Hell has no interest in memories. But I found out that you can feed on them. Like an energy drink, if you will. It's kind of complex to feed on it, too. That's why the others don't want to bother. But, hey. I'll take it."

Sam stared at her, expression horrified. He knew that their bond could be rebuilt, even if it wouldn't be the same. But the thought of Gabriel forgetting him...

"So, Sam," said the demon, interrupting his train of thoughts. "Are you going to accept the deal? It's not that bad...at least Gabriel would be back. And you miss him, don't you? It's only been an hour since he died and you already miss him."

Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Yes."

The demon grinned and she grabbed his collar, pulling him into a kiss. When they broke apart, she pulled him down a little lower, muttering into his ear.

"One hour to get back. I would hurry up if I were you." And then Sam was alone.

~ooo~

When Sam got back to the hotel, back to that room, Gabriel was already sitting up, looking around and frowning at the wing marks below him. He looked up when he heard Sam enter the room and quickly grabbed his blade, raising it up to try and make himself look intimidating.

Sam was going to slowly introduce himself again, but decided that maybe if he went straight to the point and explained a little about how the two of them were related, Gabriel would trust him a little more than he did at that moment.

"Okay, this may sound weird, but you actually know me and I know you, but you were killed by Lucifer while protecting me and I brought you back but at the cost of all your memories of us together. So...yeah."

Gabriel frowned.

"Why would I protect you? Who were you to me?"

"I was your- um...your....mate? You called me that once."

"You were my mate? But...you're Lucifer's true vessel."

"I don't know why you kept coming near me, Gabriel. You knew that I was Lucifer's true vessel but you still kept coming near me for reasons that I don't even know."

Gabriel hesitantly put the blade down and stood up shakily, clutching his chest.

"So what do we do now.....Sam?"

"You know my name?"

"Of course I do. All the angels know the names of the true vessels of the archangels. Especially Lucifer's and Michael's. So what now?"

"I bring you back to wherever Dean is, I guess. You...you still have memories of him, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

As Sam sat in the car with Gabriel in the back, getting ready to drive off, Gabriel spoke up.

"If you were my mate, why would you say yes to a deal where I would be brought back, but all my memories of the two of us would be gone?"

"Because I couldn't stand the fact that I got you killed."

"How-"

"Gabriel," Sam forced himself to say his full name, unsure of whether Gabriel would be comfortable with Sam calling him by a shortened version of his name. To Gabriel, Sam was pretty much a stranger.

"I don't want to talk about it, I can't. Not today."

Gabriel nodded and leaned back against the seat, staring out of the window as Sam drove off. Well, this was going to be a mildly awkward period of time for both Sam and Gabriel.


	2. Chapter 2

When Sam and Gabriel made it back to the motel that the Winchesters had fled to, Dean could feel the tension between the two of them. He stood up from the bed he was sitting on and walked towards them.

 

"Hey, Gabriel. How'd it go with Lucifer?"

 

"It could have.......could have gone better, I guess."

 

Dean stared at Gabriel in confusion as Gabriel walked past him and sat in a chair, folding his arms on the table and resting his head there. Dean moved to stand next to Sam and mrmered to him softly, "What's up with him? He gonna be alright?"

 

Sam dragged Dean out of the room gently and briefly explained the situation to him.

 

"What? What the hell? Why'd you do that to yourself, Sam?"

 

"Because I'd rather see him alive but without any memories of me than having to live constantly with the knowledge that I killed him."

 

"First of all; it's not your fault. Second of all; I get it. But we still have to deal with the apocalypse."

 

Sam choked back tears. Dean was right. The apocalypse was still a thing. They needed to soldier on and ice the devil. Save the world. They went back into the room and turned the lights off, going straight to bed.

 

~ooo~

 

When Sam woke up, it was still dark outside. He didn't bother going back to sleep as he was wide awake and he sat up, looking at the clock on the bedside table. It was 3am. Sam looked around the room and saw Gabriel sitting cross legged on the carpeted floor in front of the window. The curtains were drawn back and Gabriel was staring wistfully at the sky. Sam got up from his bed and moved over to sit next to Gabriel.

 

"Hey."

 

"Hi. What are you doing?"

 

"Thinking about things."

 

Sam and Gabriel sat together in silence and they watching the stars twinkle in the night sky. In that moment, Sam felt like all was well. As if there was no apocalypse, nothing to hunt. Just...peace.

 

"I want to go home."

 

Sam turned his head to look at Gabriel, but he didn't say anything.

 

"I miss all my little brothers and sisters. But I can't go back." 

 

"Why?"

 

"Because Michael is there. Wait, were you there when I did that little speech about my family?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Ah. Well then, you should understand."

 

Sam nodded his head and stared down at the carpet, tracing random patterns on the carpet.

 

"So, Sammy. You wanna fill me in on what I've forgotten?"

 

"Yeah. So....let's start with the first time we met. Do you remember when you were at the college? Working as a janitor?"

 

"Mm hm. Continue?"

 

"Yeah, I was there. And you probably know hat we "killed" you. Do you remember Mystery Spot?"

 

"Yeah. I killed Dean over a hundred times consecutively because he killed me at the college and then, for some reason, I brought him back, right?"

 

"Not quite.....you killed Dean like that because you wanted to teach me a lesson. You wanted me to learn to let go of Dean because he had made that deal with the crossroads demon and he was gonna die. You wanted me to learn to let go so that I would know how to live on without Dean by my side. I had to beg you to bring him back with my puppy dog eyes."

 

Gabriel chuckled lightly. "Ah. Now it all makes sense. I bet you pulled out some intense puppy eyes to convince me to bring your bro back."

 

Sam laughed softly. "I did. I didn't think it would work though."

 

They sat there quietly, enjoying each other's company. Then Gabriel broke the silence.

 

"Um, Sam? I know this will make me sound like an asshole but I'm curious, okay? So....why did we become mates? Why'd we..." Gabriel gestured between him and Sam, eyebrows pinched together in confusion. Sam shrugged, lifting his head up to look at the sky. "I don't know, Gabe." replied Sam. "I guess you saw something in me and......I don't know......"

 

Gabriel sighed, closing his eyes and burying his face in his hands.

 

"I don't know what you saw in me though."

 

Gabriel looked up at Sam, frowning. "Wanna elaborate on that?"

 

"I mean, I'm disgusting. You're an archangel, Gabriel. And I'm just this human with demon blood in his veins, who started the apocalypse, who's also Lucifer's true vessel, and you should have mated with anyone but me. I'm tainted. You deserve better."

 

"But your soul is bright, Brighter than any of the other souls that I've seen. Even brighter than your brother's and _he's_ the righteous man. Your soul isn't tainted like a murderer's or a rapist's. You're not tainted, Sam."

 

Sam shrugged, not knowing how else to reply Gabriel. He heard Dean shift on the bed and turned around to look at him to see that Dean was glaring at them.

 

"Hey, lovebirds, keep it down over there. Tryin'a sleep here."

 

They rolled their eyes and Gabriel huffed, snapping his fingers making it so that Dean wouldn't be able to hear them. Then he turned his attention to Sam.

 

"Sam, look it me." Gabriel waited till Sam looked at him, then continued talking. "I see light in you, Sam. I may not remember you, or us, but I know a good man when I see one. Sm, you're a good man, despite all the things you'e done. Believe me." Gabriel took Sam's hand in his and tared into Sam's eyes.

 

Sam blushed lightly under the praise and stared at Gabriel, admiring his whiskey coloured eyes before looking down with a small smile.

 

"Okay...." he said. Gabriel looked at the clock. It was only 3.30am. Sam still had over 3 hours of sleep to go.

 

"Go to sleep, Sam. There's a long day ahead. Get as much rest as you can."

 

Sam nodded and relished the feeling of holding Gabriel's hand before letting it go and stood up, walking over to the bed. He lay down and could feel his eyelids grow heavy. He felt a warm tingly glow settle around him as he fell asleep.

 

Gabriel stared at Sam, watching him sleep. Indeed, he could feel the bond between him and Sam, and he could feel how much Sam loved him and how much the hunter yearned to kiss Gabriel. But Gabriel......he didn't really feel the same. He felt bad for not liking the young Winchester back but Sam was practically a stranger to him. He was, however, happy that Sam wasn't forcing him into the relationship that they had.

 

Gabriel quietly padded over to Sam's bed and brushed some of the stray hair out of his face, watching the hunter's peaceful face. He sat down next to the bed and leaned his head back against the mattress. He closed his eyes and listened to the steady chirping of the cricket. He sighed and thought about their earlier conversation. Sam was a good man, indeed. Too good for Gabriel. Now it was Gabriel's turn to wonder why Sam agreed to mate with him. Honestly, he didn't feel like he was worthy of being Sam's mate, or boyfriend, in human terms. _Or is the term 'husband' more like it?_ He wondered. But that wasn't very important.

 

He wanted to remember so badly so that things would piece back together and things would go back to normal. He tried to recall the events that Sam had told him about. About teaching them a lesson. But to no avail. It was just a blank space in his memory when it came to his memories with Sam. Gabriel huffed in frustration and just sat there at the side of Sam's bed, listening to Sam's breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I like to drag things out


	3. Chapter 3

Upon waking up, Sam was amused to see the top of Gabriel's head peaking out from the side of his bed. He shifted to the edge of the bed where the archangel leant and smiled warmly at the sight of Gabriel sleeping. Sam turned to look at Dean when he heard the latter gag.

"God, could you not look like a lovesick puppy?"

Sam threw his brother one of his signature bitch faces and rolled his eyes, clambering off the bed. He stood up and stretched lightly before proceeding to wash up and change out of his old clothes. He grabbed his wallet from the nightstand and headed for the door.

"Hey, Dean. I'm going out to get coffee. Need anything?"

"Get me some candy." A slurred voice called out from the side of the bed. Sam looked down to see Gabriel staring at him with an adorable sleepy smile. Sam bit back a grin and nodded, leaving the room hastily before he did something he would regret.

As he came back after running the errands, he walked back into the motel room and paused in his steps. Gabriel and Dean were sitting at the coffee table and seemed to have been in a middle of a serious conversation. As they heard footstep, they ceased the conversation and turned to look at the source of the footsteps. Sam hesitantly continued walking and sat down between Gabriel and Dean, placing the coffee and the candy down on the table.

"Um......what did I miss....?"

Dean cleared his throat and spoke up, throwing the archangel a final look of confirmation as he explained. "So basically, I raised the idea of us going in to gank Lucifer together, then Gabriel said that that's a stupid idea, and that there's another way. And that would be to throw him back into his little timeout. And for that we need the rings of the four Horsemen."

Gabriel nodded his head. "Yeah, that's basically all that you missed. Where's my candy?" Sam handed Gabriel a bag of lollipops that he picked up from the store and Gabriel grinned like the cat that got the cream. He proceeded to pick a lolipop and as he unwrapped it, he spoke.

"Dean told me that you guys have War's and Famine's rings. Now we just need Pestilence's and Death's."

"Uh huh. But how do we fins them? They don't exactly go around waving flags saying where they are." Dean said gruffly.

"Well no shit Sherlock. But I can find them for you. It's easy.....ish. Considering that where there's a famine, Famine would be there. Same goes for the rest." With that, Gabriel disappeared from his seat.

"Well at least he's being more useful than an annoying little shit." He said as he sipped his coffee, wincing slightly at it's bitterness. As Dean finished that sentence, Gabriel popped back into his seat.

"I found Pestilence!" He said, sounding like a kid who won one of those carnival games. "You guys wanna go get his ring now?"

Dean stared at Gabriel. "I'm not even done with my coffee."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Okay, whatever, Princess."

Sam watched as Dean opened his mouth to retort, deciding against it and ending up just grumbling and directed his attention back to his coffee. Sam's gaze then flickered to Gabriel and felt his face heating up slightly as Gabriel sucked on the lollipop and licked it like he was licking --

Sam coughed and tired to cover up his blushing, but Gabriel had already caught him blushing furiously and wriggled his eyebrows, proceeding to make the innocent act of enjoying candy as filthy as possible. He finally stopped when Dean choked on his coffee and kicked his leg under the table.

"If we go and get Pestilence's ring now, will you promise never to do that in front of me again?"

Gabriel grinned. "No promises, Dean-o. Now, you wanna take the human way, or do you wanna take the Angel Express?"

Dean stared at Gabriel irritatedly. "We'll have the fast way, thank you very much."

Gabriel snapped his fingers and they appeared outside a building. Gabriel pulled out his archangel blade and motioned his head towards said building.

"He's in there. But i gotta warn ya, I'm not immune to him either. So just don't count on me to get to him." The brothers stared at Gabriel, muttered a "well, shit" under their breathes before pulling out the guns from the waistband of their pants.

The three of them walked stealthily towards the building, keeping a sharp eye out for demons. The second they stepped across the threshold of the building, a wave of mild nausea and a headache washed over them. The closer they got to Pestilence, the shittier they felt. It got to the point that when they were right outside the room Pestilence was in, Sam and Dean weren't even standing anymore. Gabriel however, relying on the wall by the door for support, still managed to keep on his feet, clutching at his stomach desperately attempting not to vomit all over the floor.

At that moment, Pestilence walked out of the room. He smiled at all three of them and placed a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. With that, Gabriel's eyes rolled into his head and he crumpled to the floor. Sam croaked out a weak "Gabriel" before he, too, fell unconscious.

 

~ooo~

 

Sam woke up, still on the floor, bit in a different room. He looked around, head still pounding with the headache which was almost as bad as a migraine. Dean had blood dribbling down his chin while Gabriel was just laying limp on the floor, but he was still conscious. Sam let out a whimper, squeezing his eyes shut in pain.

"Good morning, boys! How are you feeling?" Pestilence said cheerily, squatting in front of the three of them. Dean groaned in response and Gabriel managed to mumble out a "fuck you" while glaring at him. He giggled and then stood up.

"So you guys want me ring, I pressume?"

If Sam had the strength to hand out another bitch face, he would have. But because of the physical strain he bore just by being in close contact with Pestilence, he did not have said strength. So instead, he just mouthed a "yes".

Pestilence shook his head. "Sorry, can't give this away to you boys. I wouldn't want to end up like my brothers now would I?"

Pestilence then stared droning on and on and on about something about diseases and then being pure. Honestly, none of it was getting through Sam's head, what with the ounding of the headache and the aching behind his eyes getting most of his attention.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw a flash of movement and the next thing he knew, Gabriel had grabbed his archangel blade and slammed Pestilence's hand on the table, wasting little to no time to cut his ring finger off. Pestilence howled and the nurse hissed at Gabriel, pouncing on him. Gabriel drove his blade through her chest before she could do anything to him and pushed her off weakly. Sam and Dean looked around and saw the pestilence was gone. They stood up slowly, feeling the sickness gradually dissipating.

Sam walked over to Gabriel and pulled the ring off the severed finger on the table. He looked up and saw that Gabriel was looking at him, eyes filled with concern.

"Are you guys okay?" He said, his eyes flickering to Dean as well.

Sam nodded and Dean replied with a soft "yeah". Gabriel then snapped his fingers and they were back in the motel.

"You guys go ahead and get some rest. I think ya'll need it."

Dean frowned and opened his mouth to complain but Gabriel cut him off.

"Leave finding Death to me, big boy. Now sleep."

Dean groaned and replied with a "yes mom" before laying down on one of the beds, faling asleep seconds after touch down. Gabriel directed his gaze to Sam, who was staring at him with a defiant look.

"Gabe. I want to go wtih you."

Gabriel just looked at him with a tender look. "Just sleep, bucko. You have eye bags and they look terrible on you." With that,Gabriel's wings stretched out but before he could take off, Sam reached for his hand and gently grabbed his wrist, looking at him like somebody kicked a puppy. But he must have done it subconsciously because his eyes widened and he quickly pulled his hand back to his body, muttering a quiet "sorry".

Gabriel paused to stare at Sam for a moment before raising his hand to ruffle Sam's hair. "I'll be back, kiddo. Stop worrying and get some sleep."

Sam nodded hesitantly and complied, laying down on his bed. Gabriel didn't leave until he was sure that Sam was asleep. Once he heard Sam snoring, he flapped his wings and went off to find Death.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After god knows how long, I FINALLY HAVE A CHAPTER UP HALLELUJAH

Gabriel’s encounter with Death had gone much smoother than he had expected. Death had willingly given his ring up, leaving Gabriel surprised.

“You’re just...giving it to me? Just like that?” Gabriel asked, bewildered.

“Yes, of course. What makes you think I like being controlled by that little brat?” Death said after swallowing a bite of his pizza. “Do not fail, do you hear me? Now go on, don’t make me regret this.”

Gabriel slowly nodded and left the restaurant where Death was, returning to the motel room. He gently placed the ring down on the table in the room and sat down at it, glancing over at the sleeping forms of Sam and Dean. Now that he was alone with his thoughts again, he couldn't help but wonder why his past self had bothered to get so close to the younger Winchester. He would have known better than to fool around with a human, and would have known even better than to fool around with Lucifer’s vessel.

It simply didn't make any sense.

Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose and then got up, shaking his head lightly as he left the room. He leaned against the wall of the building and stared up at the sky, looking for a sort of distraction from the questions swarming around in his mind. He fixed his attention on the stars, watching them twinkle as though they were winking at him.

Then, he heard explosions.

Alarmed, he looked around frantically, relaxing when he realised that the explosions just came from the fireworks in the distance. He watched the colourful explosions in the sky, smiling to himself, when he felt…...weird. He frowned to himself, though he kept staring at the fireworks, unable to tear his eyes away from them. The fireworks felt…...familiar. Like something had happened before that was related to fireworks, but he couldn’t remember. He continued watching them until they died down a few moments later, a distant expression on his face. He went back into the motel room and sat back down on his chair, snapping up a glass of whiskey and knocking the whiskey down in an attempt to distract himself from the odd feeling.

He then decided to start formulating a plan to get Lucifer back in The Cage, mostly out of boredom now. There was no way that he’d let Sam say yes to Lucifer. It was just too risky and if it failed, there would probably be no way to save Earth anymore. And he didn’t want to watch his brothers fight again.

He couldn’t.

Gabriel quietly sat in the dark, thinking over all the options that they had. It didn’t take him long to come to a conclusion that the only way that they could really pull this off with an incredibly low failure rate would be for him to sacrifice himself.

They would get Lucifer, make it seem like Sam was going to say yes so that Lucifer would let his guard down, and then Gabriel would grab Lucifer, open up the cage, and pull Lucifer down into the cage with him.

Gabriel nodded to himself as he ran the plan through his mind, liking it.

The only problem would be Sam. For the plan to really work, there cannot be any attempts to rescue Gabriel from The Cage. And if Sam couldn’t deal with Gabriel being dead, he really doubted that Sam would be able to deal with Gabriel being stuck with Lucifer for the rest of eternity. Sam wouldn’t even agree to the plan in the first place.

Gabriel sighed heavily and refilled the glass, knocking the liquid back again. And on top of that…him sacrificing himself would be a waste of Sam’s sacrifice, wouldn’t it? Or was the sacrifice counted as his, since it was his memories? But then again….it was also Sam’s happiness with Gabriel that got thrown out of the window with that deal……

Gabriel refilled the glass and sipped at the alcohol. It was all too confusing.

He folded his arms on the table and rested his head in them, closing his eyes. Not much of his current situation made sense to him and he was still confused about some aspects. But the world wasn’t going to stop and wait for him to figure it all out. Lucifer is out there, and stopping him is the main priority. He can worry about everything else once it was all over, and if he was still alive.

But, for now, Gabrie settled for watching the two brothers sleep, listening to their even breathing to distract himself from the storm of thoughts brewing in his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course, I'll be writing more. But I'm having some difficulty in coming up with the plot. So if you've got any suggestions, you can go ahead and find me on tumblr. It's Monochrome-maiden.tumblr.com


End file.
